Life is a funny thing

I've been thinking a lot lately about life and what exactly it has in store for me. I feel like these past 20 years have been spent getting me ready to start my life, but it hasn't quite taken off yet. And as much as I'd like to be, I don't think I'm ready for it to begin. I'm still putting several things on hold till I get through college. I want a house, a career, a family, my own place in this world that I carve out. Living at home is great, college dorm life is great, but I want my own things and my own place and a roof over my head that belongs to me. I want to be done writing papers and praying for grades and figuring out how to please every professor that I have. I've gotten real good at being the student, I want to move on and figure out the next thing now. I want change. I'm willing to embrace change instead of run from it...That's something totally new and alien to me.

The other thing about life I've been thinking about is how and why it started in the first place. God created us, and everything else...but why? What's the point? Was He lonely? Bored? Why create man, give him free will and watch him fail generation after generation. If we were put here to praise God and worship and love Him with our whole hearts, why is there all these other things that have be paid attention to in order to survive?...house payments, going to work, eating food, sleeping, all of it...It just seems like it's distracting us from the point of being here in the first place. I don't normally contemplate matters pertaining to figuring out why God does what He does, cuz it just serves to open up more incomprehensible questions. I once told my best friend that I didn't see the point in contemplating something that I know my mind can't grasp. God can't be contained in words, He's indescribable, uncontainable, beyond the scope of our understanding. It's crazy. And what amazes me still further is that He cares about me. He cares about what I'm going through, what my life has for me, what I'm involved with. He made me and He loves me and He wants to give me the desires of my heart...but I don't get why I'm here. This life is just a speck compared to the amount of time in eternity. It's just a flash on His radar, and on the eternal life we have after this life is gone. So why have this life in the first place? I don't know. Interesting to think about. Just some questions I've been mulling over for a little while now. Thought I'd share. God Bless! Nunight!

~Linna <><

What Do I Know of Holy

"What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion/ Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean.."

Thinking about the universe's size and depth can really make a person feel small, but what gets me time and again is that even though we're just a speck of dust in the scheme of what God has created from nothing, He cares about us more than we can ever imagine and He's interested in our day to day life more than we are. Let Him play an active role in it. Give Him the reins. He's got our best interests in mind and He will look after His children.

I want to have someone who's perfect running my life. Wow. Absolutely amazing to think about. Growing pains aren't always pleasant, but I can't wait to see where this road takes me. What God's got planned for my life has got to be worthwhile! Thank you, Father, for everything. I don't know where I'd be without Your Hand guiding my life.

Mercy is not getting what you deserve and Grace is getting what you don't deserve. Aren't you glad we serve a God who possesses both!

~Linna <><

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, ad you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." ~Matt. 11:29-30

2009 Ramblings

So here I sit, a year older and a dollar shorter than the last time I posted anything worth while (if you can call a song a day post worth while) on this blog. I did keep up for a little while longer on the song thing. I think I made it through January, but quit sometime before February was done...I think. I misplaced the notebook I was using to write them down in. Anywho..onward march.

I've learned a lot this year, about life, about God, about relationships, about family, about choices, and about myself. It's been a good year overall, with some great memories and some really really crappy memories, a few friends lost and a few friends gained. But enough about all the mushy stuff..This blog was officially and originally about my thoughts and what was on my mind as I went about my daily life. I guess the thing that's been on my mind the most these last few weeks has been change.

Change is everywhere, sometimes I hate it, sometimes I embrace it and most of the time I can't make up my mind as to exactly how I feel about it. I've seen people change this year, some for better and some for worse; I've seen places change this year, sometimes becoming a safe haven and sometimes absorbing tainted and saddening memories. I've changed this year, too. I'm still Lindsay, but I've become more self sufficient and self confident, and I've gained a whole year's worth of life experience since my last post.

People still call me mom, in fact, if anything, that trait has gotten stronger. But people also are not quite as quick to assume that the decisions I make are not my own. I've become more of my own person than I was last year..sticking to my beliefs because I want to, not because of what others might think if I didn't. Frankly, I am who I am because of the people in my life, but they don't rule or own me. I am my own self and I am happy with who I've become. Thanks all for that. But gah, I'm still reminiscing...I'm not quite sure what to talk about.

If anyone who reads this wants me to elaborate on ANY part of this very vague post, feel free to comment and I'll be sure to expand my ramblings just for you.

Live a Little, Laugh a lot, and Love always,
~Linna <><

December 2008 Songs

I started this on the 13th when I was having a particularly rough weekend trying to work things about up at school with a certain person. I came home from college for break on the 17th and I feel much better now that I'm home and recovered from sleep exhaustion and major stress. Hope you like my December selection of songs...

13-Somewhere Down the Road - Faith Hill...'why why why does it go this way...somewhere down the road, there'll be answers to the questions'

14-Pieces - Rascal Flatts...'I love it when you're here, but I'm better when you're gone...let my heart rest in pieces'

15-Let It All Out - Reliant K...'you said I know that this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart things will just get worse...the end will justify the pain it took to get us there'

16-No One Else On Earth - Wynonna Judd...'I've been a rock and I've got my fences, I never let them down. When it comes to love, I keep my senses. I don't get kicked around...how did you get to me?'

17-Let It Go - Tim McGraw...'I'm gonna hold my head up high, I'm gonna leave it all behind. Today, I'm gonna stand out in the rain and let it wash it all away...I'm gonna let it go'

18-Girls Just Want To Have Fun...enough said

19-Tough - Morgan Craig...a shout out to all the moms out there, you rock! (I spent a night with a sleepless child)

20-Waitin' on a Woman - Brad Paisley...'when I picked her up for our first date, I told her I'd be there at 8, and she came down the stairs at 8:30...she sure looked pretty...take your time, cuz I don't mind waitin' on a woman'...mom and me took forever getting ready for gma's christmas!

21-Let It Snow...

22-Mr. Mom - Lonestar...babysitter extordinaire!

23-Maintain Consciousness - Reliant K..'Well, I think I had a point, but I just got distracted..'

24-Working Song - Enchanted Soundtrack...Christmas prep..

25-Lips of an Angel - DDR song that I got stuck on for a really looong time...I was surprised to find a song that I knew on there and actually kinda liked..

26-Whiskey Girl -Toby Kieth...'no cuervo gold margarita, just ain't enough good burn in tequila'...my aunt brought some cuervo gold tequila over for our family trip...

27-Who Needs Sleep - Barenaked Ladies...'who needs sleep, you're never gonna get it...' dang packing and thinking about about packing kept me up all night the day before

28-Mission Impossible theme song...we played it for the spy themed cabin dinner on the family trip

29-Take It Easy - The Eagles..'take it easy, take it easy. don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy'..ah, family politics..gots to love them

30-On the Road Again - Willie Nelson...coming home and in the car for 5 hours...woo hoo

31-Honey, Honey - Mama Mia Sing A Long...the movie the family watched on New Year's Eve


So lookie there, you've even got like commentary on why I chose those songs!

Blah-g?!?

So, I've kind of neglected this site with only two posts to show that I even started it. Mildly sad, but life has been insanely busy and stressful these last few weeks. I went into Thanksgiving break weighing 150 pounds and came home for Christmas weighing about ten pounds less with a 3 week long stomach ache that I had chalked up to the beginning of lactose intolerance. That conclusion upset me greatly and I'm happy to say that dairy is not a problem like I thought it was...when I came home, I realized that I get stomach aches from stress. I never would have thought of that. Strange. So, for 3 weeks, I've been so stressed out with school, decisions and life in general that I couldn't eat anything without feeling sick afterwards...Sorry to freak everyone out, I do apologize and I will try not to scare you in the future.

So, now that I've gained back the weight that I lost and I can eat what I want when I want without consequence...well, mostly...still a lil stressed...I feel like its time to update.

A lot has happened since Thanksgiving. I got myself into a pretty sticky situation up at school with a few of my friends. I made some definite mistakes and, though I won't go into specifics, I feel pretty annoyed at myself right now for doing what I did and I'm hoping that I don't lose any friendships because of my foolishness.

On happier notes, one of my New Years Resolutions is to write down a song for each day of the year that deals with how I feel or what I'm thinking about. I'll try to post my songs each month on here starting with December (I started this project on the 13th). Today's song, just for a sneak peak is "Let it Snow".

I did some babysitting over the weekend for my youth pastors. Adam's birthday was on Thursday and to celebrate, they had a sleepover. Tori and I were recruited to watch their 2 kids overnight. Gabriel is not yet 2 and he doesn't sleep through the night. I prepared for this by getting a lot of sleep the night before and calmed G-riel down whenever he woke up. This may seem really odd, but it brought my desires for a family and kids of my own to the surface and all I could think about while rocking Gabriel was that I wanted one of my own to cuddle at night and love on. I realize that the novelty wears off after the first few nights, but it just got me thinking about that type of thing.

Also, I'm kinda at a loss of what to do over break because I don't have any homework or school to worry about at all. This is really strange for me. I'm so used to trimesters and having to feel guilty about not doing my homework over Christmas break that I'm confused on what I should be doing now. Yup, I'm lost...

Anyway, sorry that this seems really really random and off the wall, but I had to write something and this is what I wrote. I'll try to be consistant with the blog now.

College

So, as requested, I'm going to use this post to explain my choice of major...which may be changing soon (I'll explain this, too, so don't worry). I've been ahead of the academic game for a while now, taking AP courses in high school and entering college with 29 credits without ever having set foot in a college classroom. Anyway, apparently being ahead means that twice as many people bug you about picking a major and deciding what you want to do with the rest of your life. I got sick of saying "I don't know" and then getting lectured on what I should be and just decided to say "I'm going to be a teacher" to get people off my back about it. Anyway, math and science (I'm minoring in biology and chemistry) have always been less stressful for me than english and social studies because there is always an answer and there is always a logical way to get that answer that everyone agrees upon. There is none of that symbolic meaning stuff in math and none of that cultural controversy of his side, her side in science. I like that. Plus, as an added bonus, those are the subjects most needed to be taught at the moment. I feel that I picked well.

The one down side to being an education major is that my income isn't gonna be that great. You don't become a teacher for the money. You become one because you like what you do. And I do love to pass on my knowledge to others and teaching seems a great way to do that. However, if I wanted to be ambitious, there is another possible career choice in Actuarial Science, where I could be making like 150K a year when I get out of college. I'm not sure about it yet, but I'm thinking about it. I don't know much about the degree yet but I do know it's all math and logic and people skills are very much appreciated in that business. (Most actuariarys are nerds...a little theater flare would give me an advantage). Anyway, it's late so I'm gonna hit the sack. There you are Caitlin, the reason I'm getting the degree I'm getting...or not getting as the case may be. Nunight everybody, ttfn!

~Linna <><

New Beginnings

My stomach is growling. I'm hungry. Too bad, I say, food can wait. Now it's time to write.

I'm going to follow in the footsteps of a friend and use this post to explain the name I chose for this blog. I've been flitting about from place to place and thought to thought for a while now on automatic. My classes keep having assigments that require me to pick something I'm passionate about, and I keep coming up blank for topics. I hate that and it's beginning to really frustrate me. I used to have ideas about everything, but now I find myself completely void of anything interesting that I can identify with, if that makes any sense at all.

Whispers on a Silver Thread was the best way I could think to sum up the purpose of me creating this blog--to allow myself a chance to catch the fleeting thoughts of my mind before they disappear completely into whispers of the past.

Here's a quick summary of my life at the moment. I'm a fourth of the way through my freshman year of college, which is a 2 hour drive away from the place I call my home. My major as it stands now is Secondary Mathematics Education (I will give the reasoning behind this later) and I am minoring in Chemistry, Biology, and possibly Spanish. I'm in my first ever college musical, performing this week and I'm loving every minute I spend at the theatre and with the cast and crew.

That is just a part of my life though. Back home, I am a sister, a daughter, and a friend to many that I deeply love and miss everyday. I am a reader, a dreamer, a believer, and a comforter. I am who I am because of the people that have been gracious enough to open their hearts and let me in.

As much I would love to keep writing and rambling, I cannot ignore my obligations any longer. My stomach is winning the battle with my fingers and I must stop typing to eat and work on preparing for a meeting with the head of the Math Ed. Department Head. Ttfn to all those who read this.

~Linna <><